Monday, July 6, 2009

Florida to Impose $1 Surcharge on FB Tix

Breaking news from the Athletic Department offices in Gainesville... Athletic Director Jeremy Foley announced that beginning with the 2009 football season a surcharge of $1 would be added to every home football game ticket. No decision has been made as to basketball but they are leaving the option open. Proceeds from the surcharge will be gifted to Alachua County.

During the press conference, with President Bernie Machen and Coach Urban Meyer by his side, Foley announced, “Gainesville and Alachua County have been instrumental to the quality of life, and indeed the success of the Florida Gators football team. We are confident the Gator Nation will stand behind this decision enthusiastically. Coach Meyer has assured me this will be a meaningful advantage in recruiting the top 1% of the top 1% he desires to represent our institution on the gridiron.”

No questions were allowed during the press conference. Crack reporter Hale David of the Macon Ledger-Enquirer, via the Florida Public Records Act, was able to uncover what the estimated $500,000 in first year receipts will be spent on. Undoubtedly, Coach Meyer is eager to hit the recruiting trail with this information.

Highlights among the many investments the ticket surcharge will be going toward over the years include; new HVAC system for the county jail, new plasma televisions for the county jail, new weight room and equipment for the county jail, Nike apparel for county jail inmates, and the establishment of a new Athlete Defenders Office within the county jail.


Bernie said...

One of the great features of the Ole Miss facilities is the underground tunnel from the practice facility to the stadium. Maybe this exciting development for reptilian tackle football could lead to something similar between the county jail and the stadium.

A new kind of tunnel screen...

MikeInValdosta said...

I always knew you were smarter than that other Bernie. All he could come up with was a "Ride Along Program" to disguise the arrests.