Sunday, July 5, 2009

If you wear orange does it stain you forever?

Hope you, or y’all if I am lucky, had a great celebration of our independence. Time to get back to the less important, but far more entertaining conversation of southern college football. Today we will blog with our booze soaked brain and check our passionate heart at the door.

The State of Georgia, and The Board of Regents, saw fit to compel me to take a singular class on psychology in 1987. The above mentioned also required my attendance in said class 3 times a week at some time just after 8:00am. It is time dear old Dad, and my alarm clock, got a little ROI on that $600 psych class. I will now apply my fancy book learning to foil the root cause, the pathology, which leads the same teams to the top of the Fulmer Cup on a regular basis.

For those of you without the benefit of a University of Georgia education, a primer on Social Disorganization (SDT) may be found here. For those of you that think a primer is something that you buy from Home Depot to aide in painting your walls, well you probably wear orange. Basically, a person’s actions are somewhat predetermined based upon the social and cultural experiences that precede their future actions. The longer the exposure, the more predetermined the action becomes.

What in the name of Charlie Trippi does this have to do with college football? Well, not much, unless you actually go to college football games, have co-workers that are fans of college football, live near fans of college football, or most importantly, work in law enforcement. I would have added NCAA compliance officers, but their particular strain of colorblindness doesn’t allow them to distinguish between the color orange and the color money.

If, in the course of your life, you encounter people that wear orange on a regular basis during football season please beware. They are known and/or wanted criminals, parolees, probationers, Huntley Johnson clients, or paranoid lawbreakers about to get caught. This is not prejudice, even if we should be, this is pathological science.

A decent, law-abiding citizen knows the only appropriate time for wearing orange is when with friends in the woods hunting wildlife. It is not meant to be stylish, but to serve as a deterrent to getting shot. This only applies to hunting with guns. It does not apply to police, even police with tasers.

Orange is the color our penal system has chosen to humiliate the criminal. It is the color worn behind bars. It is the color worn to pick up trash. Exposure to the color orange at a young age is exposure to criminality at a young age. Exposure to criminality at a young age influences criminal behavior later in life. Adolescents are particularly at risk.

Criminal types want to feel normal, this leads them to socialize and band together with other criminals. Some join together in jail, some in gangs, a particular nasty bunch joins together as football teams, football teams that wear orange. The lesser criminal, wearing orange, watches from a distance while cheering on the bigger, faster, stronger criminal.

This information is provided so that you may be informed about those you work with, socialize with and may even be inclined to procreate with. The Fulmer Cup is no mystery it is science. Aberrations may take place, but the color orange will always dominate criminality.

Be safe, and when entering orange country, always carry a taser.


Anonymous said...

step 1, admit you have a problem

Bernie said...

LOL step 2...strike a match to the closet.