Like Sharks to Blood

The politicians are at it again. No, we are not talking about the BCS, although we could as long as the bottle's contents last. Today we are talking about the SEC's media deal. While the SEC is trying hard to find a way to profit off of our thoughts and memories (hyperbole is a norm during happy hour), South Carolina legislators are getting in on the act. SEC, USC coverage restrictions under fire | GreenvilleOnline.com | The Greenville News

“my immediate thought was that this is an anti-competitive practice that actually I'm not even sure would pass federal law.”

T Kyle, our friendly Dawg blogging barrister gives his two cents: How Do the New SEC Media Policies Affect Your Friendly Neighborhood Webloggers? - Dawg Sports

By buying a ticket, I am agreeing to a contractual arrangement whereby I will refrain from producing or disseminating accounts of the game, except to the extent that the First Amendment allows me to do so. Well, that's a pretty broad extent, don't you think?

The BUI opinion, if I ever had a credential of any kind, I'd say let the get their dag gum damages out of me. This turnip is ready for their collective squezzing.

The thought of live bloggin during the game is much harder for me than the average fan. Not to mention the constant drink in one of my hands, but that drink's devilish effects leave blogging a relative impossibility. Pictures? I have yet to take a post kickoff picture that wasn't so blurry you could not tell it was a football game.

In any event, if the "man" does come a calling on your truly, please click on the condom ad, or the stubhub ad accompanying this post. Just put a little more blood in that turnip and have a great weekend, BUI style!

The Virgin and Votegate

Upon reflection, Mike Slive was compelled to change the name of this week's event to "The Vote for Virginity". Slive took full responsibility, claiming it is obvious to everyone the purpose of the event was to further glorify the Saint that is Timothy. Furthermore, Slive went on to say it was a mistake to invite other teams to the event and he personally apologized to Tebow. The Gator Nation and ESPN both accepted the apology.

Will Steve Spurrier be allowed to take back all those pre-season votes for Duke? Seriously. The man that has given a pre-season vote to Duke every year since 1990 was compelled to change his vote from Jevan Snead to Tim Tebow. No, he didn't claim it was a hanging chad, nor did he claim the ballot was too difficult to read. He blamed it on an assistant. Oh how the mighty has fallen.

Like an unforeseen weather pattern, or a Tim Geithner speech, the "V and V Episode" has placed our Media Days' expectations in jeopardy. After all, when they change the name of the event and allow coaches to change their votes, speculation becomes a fool's game. Still, before we write off the predictions, we will have to wait on Paul Finebaum's column that should be published around July 28.

Given the events that occurred, it will be hard for even the most stubborn of muckrakers to take a shot at any coach other than man that once was Steve Spurrier. Of course, Paul, the master of the qualified statement MAY focus on virginity and vote-gate. IT IS POSSIBLE Finebaum will deliver a piece that both questions the veracity of Timothy Tebow's virginity claim, and criticizes Spurrier for changing his vote. After all, Nick Saban PROBABLY would have been man enough to take the heat.

And finally, if there was ever any doubt Mike Bianchi has a man crush on Tebow, his RUMORED offer to de-flower the god from Gainesville should remove any doubt. Stay strong Timmy, remember when Bianchi asks you to get in the spread formation, he is not talking football.

Everything isn't "Fine" in the SEC

Drink number one.
Call it the Cold-Keg season, if you will, in deference to baseball's hot-stove. Recruiting keeps college football in the spotlight year round. Freedom of Information Acts and, despite the decline of newspapers, more media than you can shake a stick continue to sate our appetites for God's game. This year, the Cold-Keg season has brought us a slew of articles implying too much money is spent on recruiting. I beg to differ.

Recruiting is the Research and Development of college football. College football is the financial lifeblood of large Title IX regulated NCAA member institutions. The money invested in recruiting most certainly comes back in spades. My speculation is the most ardent supporters of Title IX are the same complainers whining about the money spent on recruiting.

It may come as a surprise, but I am a convert to Title IX. Having three daughters will do that to a fellow, even one from South Georgia. In fact my plasma, watching Georgia's gymnastics, softball and women's basketball teams, has consumed many a kilowatt-hour. But I digress.

Drink number two.
The problem with recruiting is not the legitimate investment of capital in hopes of acquiring talent within the guidelines set forth by the NCAA. The problem with recruiting, in my humble if not somewhat tipsy opinion, is the depths at which outside forces will go to give "their" team an advantage or their "rival" a disadvantage.

I am not going to focus on the used car dealers, too easy a target. Hell, I am not even going to cover recruiting. A news article on recruiting, if an article that quotes my target can be called news, put today's target in my scopes. Today we focus on the slime that doesn't use his money, but his column space or radio network to tarnish God's game.

Drink number three, starting to swerve.
As a Georgia man and a huge fan of Lewis Grizzard I have taken a great interest in the young journalist that have paid there dues in Athens, from the Red and Black, and The Banner Herald, to the once proud Atlanta Journal AND Constitution. Many a great beat writer has learned their trade in the Classic City. I am proud of them all; no matter how funny some of them look.

Gainesville, as usual, would be an overly easy target for this post. Somewhere on a Gainesville J-School degree it must have a stamp that says "Reptile Homer". Having suffered through a three year subscription to the Jacksonville Onion during the Bianchi days, I know of what I blog. Read Bianchi in the morning, listen to Lamb on the morning commute and Frangie in the afternoon and you too will understand, unless you are cousin to a lizard.

Drink number four, stay off the sidewalks.
As a potential masochist, I occasionally watch MSNBC in the evening. This practice gives me the empathy required to write this posting. I am a loyal, patriotic American. I love my country, yet sometimes I watch Keith "I wanna be a czar" Olbermann. Even though I know he hates my country and is trying to destroy it, I still watch from time to time. This brings me to the citizens of Alabama. Most of them love Bear Bryant and Tuscaloosa, the rest love Shug and West Opelika.

Drink number five, I now have the right of way.
What in the name of Charlie Trippi does MSNBC and Keith "I wanna be a czar" Olbermann have to do with the state of Alabama? Knutsville. Specifically, Paul "no other state would fall for this garbage" Finebaum. The master of muckraking, Finebaum recently gave his take on SEC recruiting.

Talk about Lucifer explaining the ills of society. Paul taking on rumors and innuendo in college football is akin to Phillip Morris ads educating us on the dangers of smoking. The only difference is congress mandated the anti-smoking spots, this "journalist's" motives are beyond this BUI convict.

Wake up, Alabama. There are alternative programming sources, Dunaway and Brown for instance. This knutsville alum means you no good. Sure he may have saved West Opelika from Bobby Petrino. And yes, from time to time his upper lip smells like Saban's supper that was.

Drink number six, riding on rims.
For all the damage this man does to your biggest rival, he does the same to you. Send him packing. Let him work quality control or safety at Alcoa. Make him wear orange, for certainly he deserves it. I am not saying the man should be used to fatten the hogs, but let his destructive forces come to bear where they originate. In Knutsville, Tennessee.

Richt Takes Kiffin Hunting to Show There are no Hard Feelings

Mark Richt, to show there are no hard feelings, invited Lane Kiffin to go Duck hunting last weekend. They decided to hunt a small estuary on the southern edge of the Cherokee National forest, right along the Georgia Tennessee state line.

As the chatted about football in the SEC and took turns grounding fowl, Kiffin explained to Richt that all of the craziness was just an act, an act to get publicity for Kiffin's program. Kiffin, caught up in defending his master plan, shot out of turn. The duck was felled but an argument ensued as to who had fired the deadly shot.

Kiffin pleaded his case passionately. Richt could have cared less, but played along, finally telling the young Kiffin "look, if it landed in Georgia, the bird is mine, if it landed in Tennessee, the bird is yours." The coaches agreed. As they walked over, it became apparent neither could be sure which state the duck landed in.

Rather than argue, Richt suggested they settle this they way SEC coaches did back in the old days. He explained that the old coaches would determine matters such as this by kicking each other in their privates as hard as possible. The last coach standing would win.

Lane bragged, "My father told me about such things, I really appreciate you bringing me into the fold."

Richt replied, "That's great, Junior. Let's get started. Now the oldest coach always has the honors."

Junior, beside himself with glee at being initiated into the inner circle of SEC coaches, eagerly stated, "Give it your best shot, old man."

As the Junior Kiffin assumed the position, Richt backed up about 5 paces, gathered himself and sprinted towards the young coach unleashing a kick, so hard and true, it would make Rex Robinson proud. Kiffin dropped to the soggy ground and rolled in pain. Between coughs he could be heard letting out whimpers resembling those of a beaten hound dog.

After about ten minutes of wallowing on the ground with bodily fluids dripping from his mouth, the young coach was able to gather himself and stand. "Oh, you got me good, Coach, yes sir, you got me good. Now it's my turn."

Laney prepared himself for his crack at the Dean of SEC coaches at which point Richt would say, "Welcome to the league, Junior, you can have the duck!" and Richt walked away.

Is Senator Blutarsky Softening his pro-BCS Stance?

Senator Blutarsky would probably say I am taking his statements out of context, or perhaps fall back on another Washingtonian phrase, “I have no recollection of having blogged that.”

In his blog titled “The most Reasonable man in College Football” (I love the irony) the good Senator states:

“By the way, the play-in game is an excellent idea. In fact, I like it better than the automatic berth for the highest ranked non-BCS conference school.”

He then attempts to tie this in to his protectionist stance by stating it would not take money out of any other conferences pockets. But I will focus on the positive.

To be fair, the context of the Senator’s statement regards participation of non-BCS conference schools in the BCS revenue windfall and has nothing to do with using a “play-in” game to determine a champion. However, if the Senator has come to realize a play-in game is good for the #8 spot in the BCS he must be trending toward a play-in game for both of the finalist. This is how God intended sport to be.

Progress is made incrementally in our society; therefore I will chalk this one up as a win for those of us that believe championships should be won on the field without assist from the body politic.

If you wear orange does it stain you forever?

Hope you, or y’all if I am lucky, had a great celebration of our independence. Time to get back to the less important, but far more entertaining conversation of southern college football. Today we will blog with our booze soaked brain and check our passionate heart at the door.

The State of Georgia, and The Board of Regents, saw fit to compel me to take a singular class on psychology in 1987. The above mentioned also required my attendance in said class 3 times a week at some time just after 8:00am. It is time dear old Dad, and my alarm clock, got a little ROI on that $600 psych class. I will now apply my fancy book learning to foil the root cause, the pathology, which leads the same teams to the top of the Fulmer Cup on a regular basis.

For those of you without the benefit of a University of Georgia education, a primer on Social Disorganization (SDT) may be found here. For those of you that think a primer is something that you buy from Home Depot to aide in painting your walls, well you probably wear orange. Basically, a person’s actions are somewhat predetermined based upon the social and cultural experiences that precede their future actions. The longer the exposure, the more predetermined the action becomes.

What in the name of Charlie Trippi does this have to do with college football? Well, not much, unless you actually go to college football games, have co-workers that are fans of college football, live near fans of college football, or most importantly, work in law enforcement. I would have added NCAA compliance officers, but their particular strain of colorblindness doesn’t allow them to distinguish between the color orange and the color money.

If, in the course of your life, you encounter people that wear orange on a regular basis during football season please beware. They are known and/or wanted criminals, parolees, probationers, Huntley Johnson clients, or paranoid lawbreakers about to get caught. This is not prejudice, even if we should be, this is pathological science.

A decent, law-abiding citizen knows the only appropriate time for wearing orange is when with friends in the woods hunting wildlife. It is not meant to be stylish, but to serve as a deterrent to getting shot. This only applies to hunting with guns. It does not apply to police, even police with tasers.

Orange is the color our penal system has chosen to humiliate the criminal. It is the color worn behind bars. It is the color worn to pick up trash. Exposure to the color orange at a young age is exposure to criminality at a young age. Exposure to criminality at a young age influences criminal behavior later in life. Adolescents are particularly at risk.

Criminal types want to feel normal, this leads them to socialize and band together with other criminals. Some join together in jail, some in gangs, a particular nasty bunch joins together as football teams, football teams that wear orange. The lesser criminal, wearing orange, watches from a distance while cheering on the bigger, faster, stronger criminal.

This information is provided so that you may be informed about those you work with, socialize with and may even be inclined to procreate with. The Fulmer Cup is no mystery it is science. Aberrations may take place, but the color orange will always dominate criminality.

Be safe, and when entering orange country, always carry a taser.